Small Ways to Improve Batman v Superman

From the Archives: originally published on Medium in 2016

How excited was I for this movie? I saw it during opening weekend and got to the theater one full hour before its start time to get a good seat. Although I was in my chair and on my butt for almost four hours—and I abstained from drinking fluids for two hours prior to sitting, meaning I was dehydrated for close to six hours—I am not bitter, and this is not a rant.

Batman v Superman was long, full of plot turn after plot turn, and had almost too much information—and too many characters—to digest in one sitting. But part of me liked that because it came across as a graphic novel in some ways: thick, rich with visuals and plenty of splash pages, and taunting me to want to rewind to a prior scene to review what I missed. That flash-forward to flash-back element is something that Scott Snyder has been frequently doing with his run on the Batman comic books.

Scott Snyder and his team have done great things with Batman, some of which you can see in Batman v Superman if you look close enough.

While Batman v Superman was a good popcorn movie, and it did some daring things that we’ve also seen in the comic books, the movie could have benefited from minding the details, giving us staple characters, and losing some overdone elements.

Give Us the Moustache

When Bruce Wayne is shadowing Anatoli Knyazev to copy his smartphone data during the underground fighting scene, give us Matches Malone down there instead of Bruce Wayne. Because why would Bruce Wayne be caught dead in a place like that? And why not let Affleck stretch Wayne’s character in another direction? A direction that fans know and love: seeing Wayne as an undercover detective.

Ben Affleck could go all Boston with his accent, dressed up like the moustachioed Matches, making the scene not only more memorable, but also more entertaining.

Less Anatoli, More (Diabolical) Laughs

Throughout the whole movie I imagined that it was the Joker sending those packages with the scrawled writing, scribbled newspapers, instamatic photos, and other goodies teasing the superheroes. Maybe it was. Or maybe it was Lex Luthor. I keep hoping it was the Joker, and they could have introduced the Joker to connect him to those taunts and the entire conspiracy.

Instead of Anatoli Knyazev disguised as the custodian who kidnaps Lois Lane, make it the Joker. We all wanted to see the Joker there. At least I did. When the custodian turned around and it was Anatoli Knyazev instead of the Joker, I was pissed off. Hell, no, I said to myself.

Hello, Ms. Lane.

Have the Joker wear tons of foundation, covering up his tattoos. Slick his hair back, dyed black under a baseball hat. Make him the kidnapper, and the one writing all of the messages to the superheroes.

Having the Joker in disguise would be a nice nod to Heather Ledger’s Joker disguised as a police officer in The Dark Knight. Finally, let the Joker do all of the dirty work, kidnapping Lois Lane and Martha Kent.

Less Joker, More Luthor

Speaking of the Joker: Why was Jesse Eisenberg delivering his lines in such a manic way? He was more Joker, and less Luthor. We need more Luthor.

We don’t need the rambling villain, delivering one fast monologue after another. We need a Lex Luthor who’s akin to James Spader’s characters, circa 1980s: confident with just enough snootiness, an understated rhythm of speech. Eisenberg could have delivered that kind of Luthor, but who knows why he didn’t. Maybe Lex Luthor will tone things down after a long stint in prison with a shaved head.

Less Dreams, Less Fights

There were too many dream sequences. Too. Many. Sure, give Bruce Wayne the pivotal ones about Darkseid and Flashpoint, but lose the rest, as in get rid of Superman’s dream sequence with his dad. Also, the fight scene between Batman and Superman was too long. Cut the dreams and fighting down, and you’d shave off more time from this movie, and get everyone out of their seats quicker so they’re legs aren’t as numb. (Seriously, I’m not upset about my numb legs, only trying to solve a problem here.)

Big Movie, Small Details

For as big as Batman v Superman goes—and it goes big, as in really big—it would have benefited from adding little things, giving the fans what they want, and cutting out a lot. This movie suggests that there’s a lot to look forward to, and while that’s what made it good, maybe that’s also its greatest fault.